What Really Happened On The Twilight Set
by Gwennii-Twilight
Summary: Hheheheheh I cant do summarys but this is hilarious HONEST my friends fink so anyways........


**What Really Happened On The Set Of Twilight.**

Disclaimer- Gwennii **OMCCAEAMCAEMCAMJWH** and Clozzer Cake **OMEAMC**

*OMEAMC(RP)AJB(TL)AF* Do not own any of the Gorgeous Twilight characters or Twilight for that matter, the best writer on the earth Stephenie Meyer does. I don't own ay of the actors, either. Or President Obama. Or Voldermort. Or Megan Fox. Or Shia Labeouf.

This Fanfic is the film.

Kristen Stewart: OH YH i'm dating RPattz! * Starts doing victory dance*

Director: No, your Bella Swan, and your moving to Forks.

(Camera starts rolling)

Kristen: Fine! Im Bella Swan and I'm, like moving to Spoons, like!

Director: * Sigh*

(In the town of Spoons/Forks.)

Charlie: Howdy Darlin'!

Director: * Palm To Head* No your not from bloody Texas! Your from frikin' Forks!

Charlie+Bella: SPOONS!

Director: Yh yh yh, Lets just cut to the cafeteria scene.

( In Cafeteria and Bella is sat down.)

Director: Oi! Cullens get your asses in the cafeteria now!

Cullens walk in, Emmett is holding thin air, Jasper and Alice skip in happily.

Bella: Who are they?

*silence*

Bella: Hello?!

Director: Oh yh I forgot she needed someone to answere her question. BRB * Runs off and comes back with Barack Obama.*

Director: GO ANSWER HER QUESTION!

* President Obama stumbles on set and sits next to Bella.*

Obama: They're the Cullens.

Anoymous Shouter: And the Hales!

Obama: Look dude, I only got paid to say Cullens, so stuff the fuckin' Hales!

*Storms off*

( Off set)

Obama: Now, if you don't mind i have some presidential duties i need to resume * walksinto bathroom and does not come out for two hours.*

Director: Right.... OK Edward glare at Bella and Bella do your best bunny rabbit impression.

* Edward glares and Bella well.....*

Alice: Who are ya glarin' at babes?

Edward: Shut up Lewis Hamilton look-alike.

* Alice's mouth drops open, but then a mishcevious grin spreads across her face*

Alice: EDWARD! RUN,BITCH,RUN, IT'S THE SPIDERS, SPANISH INFLUENZA, THE DEVIL, VOLDERMORT AND NIKI REED!

Edward: Where?

* Runs off screming like a girl, and runs straight into Megan Fox*

Edward: FUCKIN' HELL, MOVE OUTA THE WAY YOU UGLY WHORE!

*Pushes Megan Fox over and carries on running.*

Megan Fox: SHIA SHIA! * starts running and crying.*

Shia Labeouf: *Tuts*

Audience: Look up in the sky, it's a bird is it a plane NO DUN DUN NA its Shia Dude!

Shai Dude: Cullen your dead! No one hurts my booty call! * Runs after Edward*

Alice: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Emmett: OH MY FUCKING GOD ROSALIE'S NOT HERE!

Jasper, Alice and the rest of the world look at Emmett with a " Jesus Christ you're a dip shit look"

Director: I think this film was a waste of time

*Takes Break and has a cuppa*

Director ( after break): Right guys, lets just cut to the Car scene on the way back from Port Angeles.

( In the car)

Bella:WOW, you're fit, you need someone gorgeous and interesting like me.

Edwrad: Please! you bore me * YAWN*

Bella: Oh well i prefer Jacob Anyways.

Edward: Wat- Ever * shoves hand in Bella's face*

Director ( thought) I shall hang myself after this.

( In Bella's room in Forks/Spoonz)

Bella is sleeping and Cullen is watching her and ................... taking notes?

Director: GOD! THIS JUST GETS WORSE! JUST CUT TO THE " I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SCENE"!

(In the forest , Bella is standing alone as Edward has not yet arrived on set)

Director: Where's Robert/ Edward?

* Looks around as Gwenni ( me) runs accidently on set, while they are filming*

Bella: Your incredibly fast...

Gwenni: * thinks WTF.... oh well* Well i did come 2nd in my last 800 meter race * starts gloating*

Bella: And strong...

Gwenni: Wait.. where are you going with this?

Bella: You never sleep

Gwenni: WHAT DYA EXPECT? I LIVE OUTSIDE OF THE WALMART **A/N I dont really live outside of a walmart as we don't have these in Great Britain. ** FOR CHRIST SAKE!

Bella: I know what you are.

Gwenni: Huh?

Bella: How old are you?

Gwenni: 13 14 in December. * Shia Dude Flies up above* HEY SHIA! * Shia waves but carries on flying*

Bella: How long have you been 17?

Gwenni: WTF Im 13!

Bella: I said I know what you are! * impatiently*

Gwenni: Yes IM A PEACOCK!

Bella: Vampire.

Gwenni: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? So now im a vampire peacock?!

Bella: You won't hurt me.

Gwenni: No wasn't planning on it, but this guy might want to.

* Jasper pops outa nowhere and bites Bella's head off, and drinks all her blood.

Gwenni: Good ridence.

* High fives Jasper*

( Edward arrives on set)

Edward: BELLA,JASPER ? WTF? ......... OMG! YOU ATE HER!

Jasper: Er. no

Edward: I loved her......... BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE CARLISLE!

Carlisle: Oh Edward!

* They snog and then they skip off into the sunset. Leaving Jasper and Bella with flabbagasted expressions. Bella's because she was dead and Jasper's because he felt what they were feeling........................................................

**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS FANFIC ROCKS!**

**PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ REVEIW!**

**GWENNI xxxxxxxxxxxxx**


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